There is no answer. Just an empty echo of a dying soul. Echo of the words that only she can hear. A heart so weary that can barely feel pain and mind questioning…
Today I could not concentrate. Distraction has started to take control over me once again. I felt as if I was held captive by outdoor noises, objects around me and my thoughts and was unable to run away.
Today I was looking at a chilly blue sky from my bedroom window and I was thinking about my high school years. It wasn´t so long ago (almost two years) and yet it seems like it has been ages! Sometimes I wish I could go back and be a completely different person. I wish I could just be myself. I wonder what it would be like if I would travel back in time and wake up in 2012 or earlier. I would put on a red blazer, vintage dangle earrings and my everyday make-up and I would walk into the classroom as a self-assured girl with certain opinions, humour and personality. I wonder whether I would sit at the place where I used to sit for years. It was tough back then. I didn´t know myself, nor did I fulfill my potential. And sometimes I wish I had journals and photo albums full of memories with my class just as other people around me have, but I don´t.
Today is yesterday and tomorrow is today. Do more of what makes you happy. Drink a cup of coffee. Find your motivation. There might be another chilly day, but at least the sun will be shining as it was today.
It has been a while since I was so consumed and choked up by my own emotions that I had to put words that were inside of my chest, soul and mind into rhymes.
It has been a while since everything was so much different. I miss not having any inspiration. I am probably a lot happier now. I thought how much I changed back then, but luckily, I am still the same. Lover and Fighter.
I cannot wait to be all that I am every day for the rest of my life. Maybe I have to dig deep down to find an inspiration. Maybe I have to keep my eyes wide open and never lose the sense of wonder that move things within people. Maybe it is possible.