Last week I spent four days in Budapest and it was great! Although it wasn´t my first ever visit of the city, I was finally old and intelligent enough to plan what exactly I wanted to see (the last time I had been there for more than one day was when I was nine). And most of all, I was excited about taking a few pieces of it back home with me. Except for bunch of clothes and other stuff I mean pictures of course!
Hope you all have a nice day!
As I was typing the title of this post, I wasn´t quite sure how it was going to turn out. I know I promised to write a lot more often and I wasn´t very good at keeping that promise.
I don´t know if I mentioned this before, but I want to be a writer. Not just “a person who writes or is able to write” as one of the definitions on dictionary.com says. I want to be the writer, with the capital W; the person who makes words on a page alive for anyone who will be reading them one day and makes those people feel something and I know I have a long way to go in order to achieve all of this.
Lately I´ve been writing a lot in my spare time, but even more than writing I´ve been experiencing life.Whenever I wasn´t at work, it was all about going out with someone, going on that trip, writing someone, doing this or that. Worrying that I might miss an opportunity, I got stuck in doing things and there wasn´t any time left for reflecting. Maybe that´s why I´m writing this post.
And maybe I´m writing this because I realised that experiencing life is what writing is about. Majority of novels that are being published these days are just a piece of trash, in other words all the same. But what makes a good writer is his or hers own individuality, style and story. They can write about getting wasted, going through a heartbreak or their social conditions, but unless it´s not the story they are deeply identified with no one else will be.
That is who I want to become and what I want to write. I have never written anything while being drunk. I don´t know if this is one of the things on my bucket list for this summer, but I do have a motto for my life. Carpe diem.
When I wrote my first blog post at the end of the last year, I’ve decided to keep posting something on this blog every week. Now as you may have noticed I didn’t post anything for almost a month. I remember thinking about about this summer a while ago. I was scared that it would be just another boring three months. I don’t want to make any stupid assumptions and be disappointed at the end, but it is only a beginning and I’m already so busy that I haven’t even got to finish the first book on my summer reading list (and I have a lot of them!). With many upcoming changes and people that found their way into my life and have managed to stay there, I feel like this summer is going to be an amazing source of inspiration and memories.
I really hope to write a lot more than just once a week over the next few months and also share more pictures. These few pictures below are from the botanic garden. I’ve visited it twice this year already, but this time I went with my friend. We had a great time and I think that these pictures turned out much better.
Let’s make this summer the best!
About a month ago I took a personality test based on C. Jung and I. Briggs Myers typological approach. (In case you are interested in taking the test or knowing more about it, you can find it here.) I had taken the test a few times before and every time I had the same results – I was a feeler which consequently put me into the group of visionaries/idealists.
The reason why I wanted to take the test again was that suddenly I felt like a different person. I realised that more than the surrounding, it was me who had changed in the midst of circumstances and I wanted to understand myself, who I was and why I was acting in a certain way. I wondered whether I would have the same results as previously or not and whether I was just affected by this crazy world in a very strange way or I was really a different person.
When the results appeared on the screen, one thing was different for sure. I wasn’t a feeler anymore, I was a thinker. That put me in a completely different group and I began to understand . Before I had always tried hard not to hurt other people with my honesty and I had been very emotional. At least I thought so. But the more I think about it now, I realise that at the same time I was rather objective and I used to analyse things in my head a lot.
I’m not writing this to analyse my whole personality in this post (even though I love analysing personalities!). I am sure that every one of us have a bit of every type and it’s impossible to determine who we really are accurately according to some test results. But I’ve been thinking a lot lately about whether it is better to be a rational or a feeling kind of person. To me, it seems like the best thing I can possibly do is to follow the reason. It is the less painful option and it will eventually lead me to the right place. But doesn’t it make a person more numb at the same time? If you follow your heart it’s true that you might get easily hurt, but at least you feel something.
This is just an idea. When you spent your time thinking too much whether something you want so passionately is right or not and you end up not getting it, I think it’s officially the time to begin with the most reasonable plan B and never look back.
September 3rd, the final chapter
Building this bridge four years long
The name tag said always together
Second row right next to the window
For two weeks an empty seat
Finding the path I never walked on
Forgetting to say wish you were here
I am so sorry that my own ego won
Amsterdam – it is not an excuse
But you would never understand
The reason I wore different shoes
Why my heart was somewhere else
Spelling out regrets isn´t apology
Should have been wiser before
Never betray you with dishonesty
Keep it real instead of fighting a war
Burned bridge is what is left of us
And you´re not on the winners’ side
Now that it´s all unsaid but done
I hope you moved on over my lie
28th January 2014
There are days when you want to run away. You love the city and people, that park you go to every week and even public transportation but sometimes it’s just too much. I am usually not so lucky to get out of the city whenever I want to, however, this time it worked out pretty well.
The trip was fine although, sometimes might happen that when you’re running away from one uncomfortable situation you soon end up in another one. Life is not perfect and it will never be. You just need to learn to put up with whatever it throws at you at anytime and I feel like I have a lot to learn.
It’s also okay to leave something behind. I know I wrote about that a lot in some of my previous posts, but I am still dealing with it. Maybe that’s why I decided to cut my hair a lot shorter during the trip. It may sound strange, but I felt like it was a great way to open up for some new things that lay ahead rather than holding on to the past.
I also took many pictures, I just wish they would turn out a little bit better. So here are just some of them as well as the song I was listening to on repeat. It just made my days over there better.
I have never been to Paris, but out of all the places in Europe, it’s probably the place I want to visit the most. Museums and galleries, long walks along the Seine and cafes where some of the greatest masterpieces were written. I believe that one cannot entirely appreciate something without experiencing it beforehand. But one may get as close to that experience by reading stories of other people.
A Moveable Feast was the first book I’ve picked up by Ernest Hemingway. I felt like I wanted to get to know him as a person first, before I knew him as a writer and reading about his observations from his years spent in Paris was truly satisfying.
Instead of giving you long descriptions, I want to share some of my favourite quotes from the book.
“You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintery light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person died for no reason.”
“By then I knew that everything good and bad left an emptiness when it stopped. But if it was bad, the emptiness filled up by itself. If it was good you could only fill it by finding something better.”
“Nobody climbs on skis now and almost everybody breaks their legs but maybe it is easier in the end to break your legs than to break your heart although they say that everything breaks now and that sometimes, afterwards, many are stronger at the broken places.”